The Art of Holding Space: What it Really Means to Be There for Someone (Including Yourself)

The Art of Holding Space from a massage therapist perspective

A quick story...the other day, a longtime client came in for a session. A few minutes into the massage, she began to cry. Her beloved dog had recently passed away. The grief was fresh and tender. I wasn't quite sure what to do. I didn’t say much. I simply got her a tissue, softened my touch, and allowed the silence to hold her. I stayed present. I let her cry. I let her breathe. I didn’t try to fix her grief or offer advice. I just held space.

And that moment reminded me why this work matters. Not just for the body, but for the heart. Holding space is the act of creating a non-judgmental, safe container for another person to fully feel whatever they’re feeling.

There’s a sacred, unspoken side to massage therapy that goes far beyond physical touch. It’s something I’ve come to recognize and honor, the quiet art of holding space.

It’s not about doing, it’s about being.

Psychologically, when someone holds space for us, our nervous system feels safer. We shift from fight-or-flight to a more regulated state, where healing and emotional release can happen naturally. Holding space allows grief, joy, confusion, or any raw emotion to move through, without suppression. It’s an act of radical acceptance. But honestly, it’s always helpful. Anytime you sense someone is feeling big feelings, holding space can be one of the most loving things you can offer.

Sometimes, the deepest pain isn’t the emotion itself, it’s the feeling that there’s no safe place to express it. When you don’t feel seen, heard, or understood, you may start to carry everything alone. Over time, that can take a quiet but powerful toll. You may start to repress your emotions, your mind may become cluttered or feel anxious, and relationships may suffer.

To truly be there for someone, including yourself, means offering presence without pressure, love without fixing, and attention without agenda. It’s an act of deep listening, quiet attunement, and radical acceptance. Whether it’s another person or your own inner world, being there means holding space for the full range of human experience, joy, grief, confusion, anger, without turning away or rushing to change it.

Let's look at the different types of trauma or emotional experiences that call for holding space, and what could help those experiences:

1. Grief and Loss

• Examples: Death of a loved one (person or pet), miscarriage, divorce, loss of identity.

• What Helps: Silence, permission to cry or feel numb, tissues nearby, non-judgmental presence.

• Psych Insight: Grief moves in waves; avoid trying to "fix" it. Just mirror and validate emotions.

  
  

2. Emotional Overwhelm / Anxiety Attacks

• Examples: Panic attacks, spiraling thoughts, emotional flooding.

• What Helps: Grounding exercises, slow breathing, soft voice, calm presence.

• Psych Insight: Co-regulation through your nervous system helps them feel safe.

  
  

3. Post-Traumatic Stress / Trauma Triggers

• Examples: Past abuse, medical trauma, sudden flashbacks during massage or breathwork.

• What Helps: Ask if they want to pause. Respect boundaries. Offer choice and agency.

• Psych Insight: Trauma lives in the body, space holding means not rushing the process of release.

  
  

4. Shame or Guilt

• Examples: Confession of past actions, fear of being judged, body shame.

• What Helps: Eye contact (or no eye contact, depending on their needs), affirming words like “You’re safe” or “Thank you for sharing.”

• Psych Insight: Shame is healed in relationship; your calm witnessing helps dismantle internalized criticism.

  
  

5. Life Transitions

• Examples: Motherhood, coming out, career change, retirement, moving.

• What Helps: Space to express mixed emotions, grief and excitement can co-exist.

• Psych Insight: Transition often brings a liminal, identity-shifting state. Holding space means honoring their “in-between.”

  
  

6. Chronic Pain or Illness

• Examples: Fibromyalgia, cancer recovery, autoimmune conditions.

• What Helps: Empathetic touch, validating their fatigue or invisible pain.

• Psych Insight: Chronic illness often brings isolation; your compassionate presence can ease emotional burden.

  
  

7. Body image or touch aversion

• Examples: Eating disorders, past physical abuse, gender dysphoria.

• What Helps: Ask for consent before touch, mirror back body-positive language.

• Psych Insight: The body may not feel like a safe place, create an environment of gentleness and respect.

  
  

8. Spiritual awakening / crisis

• Examples: Ego death, mystical experience, feeling ungrounded.

  • What Helps: Validating their experience without pathologizing it, offering grounding breath or nature metaphors.

• Psych Insight: Jung called this “individuation." It often includes confusion, emotional shedding, and profound insight. Holding space means staying steady while they transform.

Don’t forget, you can hold space for yourself, too. I'm not going to lie, sometimes if I am feeling at my wit's end and #canteven, I tend to want to open a bag of chips and stress eat. But I've learned that there are better ways to be there for yourself....more helpful in the long run. One of the deepest gifts of this practice is learning to hold space inwardly.

That means:

1. Self-witnessing without self-attack

2. Giving yourself what you would give a friend

3. Staying with discomfort without abandoning yourself

4. Celebrating tiny wins and holding yourself through setbacks

5. Remembering you are worth showing up for

We often try to muscle through discomfort, or in my case, eat delicious, crunchy chips, lol. But healing often comes when we soften. When we say to ourselves, “You’re safe. You’re allowed to feel this.”

How can massage help?

Massage therapy can be one of the most powerful and subtle ways to hold space for someone because it works beyond words, directly through the body and nervous system. When done with presence and intention, it becomes more than physical touch, it becomes a safe container for emotional release, nervous system regulation, and quiet healing.

Here’s how massage therapy helps to provide space for someone:

1. Invites the body to feel safe again

Touch that is mindful, respectful, and attuned signals safety to the nervous system. When the body feels safe, the mind can soften too. This allows people to let their guard down in a way they often can’t in everyday life. “When we feel safe in our body, we begin to feel safe in our story.”

2. Creates a wordless container for emotional processing

Some emotions don’t need to be spoken to be healed. Massage offers a quiet, grounded space where tears, sighs, or sudden memories can rise and pass, without judgment or interruption.

3. Interrupts the fight-or-flight loop

Chronic stress, trauma, or grief can keep the body stuck in a state of hypervigilance. Massage activates the parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” mode), helping the body remember how to let go.

4. Supports grief and transition

During life transitions or emotional pain, massage can be a way to re-enter the body. It helps a person feel seen and cared for without having to explain everything they’re going through.

5. Encourages stillness and presence

In a world that demands constant doing, massage therapy offers a rare invitation to simply be. This stillness creates room for clarity, reflection, or just much-needed rest.

My massage table is more than just a table. It’s a sanctuary and a soft place to land. A space where grief is welcome, laughter is healing, and your body can speak without words. Whether you come in to unwind, to cry, or simply to breathe, you are always welcome just as you are.

Massage Studio Cary, NC with Bodywork by Amy

If you’re moving through something heavy, or if you just need someone to witness you without judgment, I’m here. I’ll hold the space. You don’t have to do it all alone. I'll do my best to hold space for you.

I would love to be a part of your healing journey, so feel free to reach out or schedule your next appointment whenever you're ready.

Amy